Aw, what a cute... AARRGGHH!

Look at this wickul kitty... aaawwww! Look at it... what a cute wickul puddy tat...

And it's a bloody nightmare too!

The missus had promised to take a kitten from her friend when it had been weened from his mother; so last Friday, she picks him up. His name is Torsten, which is an old Swedish name (it's like using the name "Alfred" or "Bert" in English), but she insists on calling him "Kittypoo" while he's so small and cute.

Being a kitten, of course, he likes to play and he has absolutely no training (except for litter training, which is a relief). So, hopefully you'll empathise with me (even if you're a woman) when I share a couple of moments with you. Imagine me in the Land of Nod, dreaming nice dreams and breathing deeply. Then imagine a bunch of needle-like claws pouncing onto my gonads. I'm sure you can image my first two words. Yes, that's right: "OW! FUCK!". The little fucker had crawled under the bedclothes and thought Little Boz would be an excellent toy for him to play with, while he waited for us to wake up.

He's a daft one alright. He even attacks the quilt cover, because it has dots on the pattern and he needs to paw them. He's even tried to suck my nipple, the confused little thing.

So... I agree with Linda that he's cute... when he's asleep. Which is hardly ever because he's full of energy, the little git. Bless 'im though

Finland FTW!

Forgive me for basking in my own self-indulgence, but I'm in a very "I told you so" mood today.

Slaygon, Linda and I were having a few frames of pool, and Kville Biljard were showing the Eurovision finals. "Finland For The Win," I commented.

"No fucking way," said Slaygon, in his usual understated style.
"Fuck off!" said Linda, in her usual understated style.

The points started rolling in; and, after we got the stupid fucking pointless Political Voting out the way, it was clear that Finland were getting a big majority of The Big Three points (8, 10 or 12). At this point, S and L were getting slightly worried, but still in denial. "I'm not going to believe it if the Finns get this," said Slaygon (who, by the way, is actually a Finn).

Lo and Behold, at the end, Finland got a floor-clearing 292 points, 44 points clear of second-place Russia, I had to smirk a bit. "Un-fucking-believable" was all I got from S & L.

It was also good(?) to see that the UK did just about as good usual - 19th place out of a possible 24. Pfft.

But, there was one problem with Eurovision this year. I'm not a fan of it, but I love Terry Wogan's dry, sarcastic commentary on it. Living in Sweden now, I didn't get Wogan; just some generic Swede in Dull Voice (tm). It just won't be the same from now on. Which actually is good - I don't have any reason to watch that pile of poo any more.

Oh! And congrats to Sweden for beating previous holders Czech Republic 4-0, and therefore winning the ice hockey World Championship!

Me no likee Toilet Duck

I've come to the decision that toilet rim blocks and me just don't get on. You know what I'm talking about - those gizmos that you hang over the toilet rim, so when you flush, they mix in with the newly-flushed water producing a nice deep green, or a deep blue (like the colour of women's periods, if I'm to believe the adverts).

But oh no, not me. Whenever I buy one, they always mix at such a low ratio that I get a Big Girl's Blouse light-blue colour. I can go to a friend's house and see a lovely Navy Blue. Hell, the toilet block that fnord left behind when I moved in here did a great job. But not me. Just a faint blue, like those pastel shirts that the teacher at school that you suspected was gay wore; which turns green as soon as you pee into it. No matter where I position it. If I was paranoid, I would have thought there was a conspiracy going on.

Spring has finished too. Today was decidedly undecided, weather-wise. I can feel it in my bones that it's going to piss it down tomorrow. Oh well, it was great while it lasted.

I'm a redneck!

Blimey, I look like a Redneck!

Spring Has Sprung in Gothenburg, so Linda and I spent both Friday and Saturday evenings having a barbecue with Slaygon and Ziza at Keillers Park, eating dead meat and playing "Kubb", a "traditional" Swedish game where you throw sticks at your opponents' blocks of wood (and I'm over-simplifying here!). Then on Sunday, the missus and I had a picnic by the coastline and a stroll through the Botanical Gardens nearby.

This combination of staying out in the sun has left me with a neck and forehead that glows red! Proof that even in the springtime, the sun is strong enough to burn the skin - so remember kids, "Wear Sunblock"! But it's good to know that spring is here, and promises to be an environmentally damaging -- but great -- summer!

That tosspot who lived in a goldfish bowl for a week should be coming out soon, after trying to beat the record for holding his breath. Then we won't hear from him for another year - all being well anyway.

Oh, and while I'm at it, I've found a great internet-based radio station. Yes, I know I'm a DJ for SLAY Radio; but sometimes I need to listen to "real" music. Two Nations Gold plays the UK and USA's Top 40 records from the 60s, 70s and 80s (when music was music) and is a great station to have on when you're working or just chilling on the sofa.

What happened to April?

Blimey, a whole month went by without me noticing it! Mind you, there was good reason I suppose.

Anyhoo; it was May Day yesterday and, like England, Sweden takes the Monday off. So a bunch of us got on a boat and sailed to Denmark, to the little port town of Frederikshavn. While there, we drank some beer (actually, we'd started on spirits while on the boat), ate a lovely Thai meal, then did some shopping for cheap booze. Then on the express boat back, we complimented our liquor with some beer. So, after the day, I came back with two crates of beer, a box of red wine, a box of white wine, some ten-year-old whiskey and some Raspberry Vodka. Yum!

Actually, the Raspberry Vodka was kind-of a drink to share with Linda. "Who?" you may be saying. Well... I seem to have acquired one of those female-type devices... er... girlfriends, I think they're called in Real Life. That's why I've been a bit quiet in the past month, as I've been busily buying lots of books along the lines of "Dating Real-Life Girls For Geeks". Actually, that's a lie; but we've obviously been dating, so that's why I've not been around. But I'm sure you'll join me in welcoming Linda to my life (but shhh! don't tell her how mental I am!)

Going back to the Denmark excursion for a moment, one of the other guys that came along noticed Slaygon wearing his SLAY Radio hoodie. "So, you listen to it as well then?" he asked, to which Slaygon informed him that he actually owns the station. "Ah," says the fellow, "I know it from all those Mastering Swedish lessons you've done!" Slaygon points to me at this point, of course, and says "There's the guy that you hear flailing." So, even on a boat to Denmark, there's a small chance you'll meet someone who's heard the Mastering Swedish lessons. And if you're wondering what they are, check out the page on SLAY Radio by clicking here.

In other news... I just read that the big-headed mentally unbalanced prestidigitating nonce David "Ooh look at me, I'm making people happy" Blaine has started his new hair-brained "stunt" of floating in a sphere of water for seven days, concluding with an attempt to beat the longest hold-your-breath-under-water record. Twat. More "infotainment" on the bastion of all news websites, BBC News.