Christmas display at NK

This is the annual Christmas display at NK, which is kind of Gothenburg 's Harrods. Pretty...

The Ongoing Adventures of Fanny

Finally, here's a picture of Fanny relaxing a little, so you can see her properly without any action blur:

Awww, isn't she a cutey... mooshy mooshy mooshy OY! GERROFF ME SHOES!

New family member

On Saturday, we got a new family member, in the form of a kitten. Linda's sister and her boyfriend had a new litter recently (well, their cats did obviously) and asked us if we wanted one of them. Initially I said no, because I'm a grumpy old man and was happy just having Åke around. But having met the little bundle of energy my heart melted and gave in (much to Linda's delight).

As a "reward" for this, Linda decided that I can name the little kitty. So, she's called Fanny. Yes, exactly.

She's just  getting acquainted with us all right now, and she doesn't like Åke very much (hissing at him), but that's what cats are like sometimes and so, with a little time and patience, she'll come round to him. And she's a little Daddy's Girl too, sleeping with me last night until quite a decent hour actually. It was only around 9am that she realised how much fun it was to hunt down and chew on my toes.

Being so young she hardly sits still, so this is the best photo I've managed to take of her so far:

I'll try and post another one when I get a better quality shot!

Winter's here, suddenly

The overall weather here in Gothenburg can change in a matter of days. Last Thursday I was wearing my denim Spring/Autumn jacket. However, the following Monday - the space of just over three days - I had to start wearing my winter coat. It's definitely winter here now in Gothenburg.

Since Monday it has been beautiful weather actually, if you can stand the cold. The sun has been out and there's that crisp air that freshens everything up. Unfortunately, today has messed everything back up - we're back to dull and wet - Gothenburg's default weather.  Actually, Gothenburg's default weather is horizontal rain with plenty of wind, so it's not that bad yet (the rain is actually falling vertically right now).

We've recently moved around in the office and now I have a view out to the track leading up to the train station, 200 meters up the road. It can be quite busy with 32 trains coming and going per hour. Thankfully the double glazing - and the fact that the trains are electric - means that we don't get too much noise; just the low rumble of wheel-on-steel.

We also now have Fredags Frukost (Friday Breakfast) at work, instead of the old Fika on Friday afternoons. Much better! Makkor (sandwiches), yoghurt, cereal, eggs and juice for the taking, and a chance to meet up with the other colleagues. Speaking of which, it's almost time. I'll sign off now in the hope that this random blog entry will stop me from forgetting to visit every now and then!

My new workplace

We just moved around a bit, to accomodate the new employees, so this is where I sit now. It's also the cleanest it's been for a long time!

Visiting Tjolöholms Slott

This is the sea at the back of the castle. Lovely!

....And Relax!

Well that's it for four weeks. Today is the first day of our vacation, and I "celebrated" last night by broadcasting an extra-long show on the BBB which seemed to go down well. We're off to England next Monday for 9 days, seeing the folks which includes a big family meal (about 20 of us) on Friday night.

We're also going to see the old Chortles Gang, who I haven't seen for a long time either. That's the name for our gang of friends who have hung around for a number of years. It's getting more difficult now that I live in Sweden, but we still try and meet up at least once a year. Of course, it will involve going out for an Indian meal.

Good Indian meals are difficult to find in Sweden - for an English person anyway. Most Swedes are not accustomed to very strong spices, so a typical Indian restaurant in Sweden wouldn't have, for example, a madras or biryani on the menu. They do have vindaloo, but it's not head-exploding hot like the English counterpart. In fact, that's usually what I choose as it's the spiciest I can find around here.

That reminds me of a story when Linda was still living in Trollhättan. We went to the local Indian restaurant there, and Linda asked for an English-style madras, to which the owner agreed and asked me in English where I used to live. When I told him it was Leicester, he told me that it was there that he came from, and moved to Sweden 19 years ago. Small world! Oh, and he made a perfect madras by the way. Pity we live an hour away now.

Panic Attack Out of the Blue

It's been a while since I've written an event on this blog, but something happened earlier today that I thought I'd share; not only to help me process it, but also to help anybody out there reading this who will have - or has had - a similar experience.

I decided to grab some lunch with some work colleagues at lunch time, and this time we decided to go to Jensen's, a Danish steak restaurant with some outlets in Sweden and Germany. I ordered the lunchbiff (lunch steak) as usual and tucked into it when it arrived. About halfway through, I took a chunk and realised, mid-chewing, that there was a streak of hard fat in there. After realising that I wouldn't be able to swallow this, I had to take it out of my mouth. I then took another chunk, chewed it as normal and, as I tried to swallow, my usual bodily functions froze - I couldn't swallow the meat. 

It was just then that I had a sudden panic attack - the heart boomed in my ribcage, my mouth went dry, I tensed, I shook like a leaf, I became wide-eyed, very self-aware, short of breath and had the classic "rabbit-in-the-headlights" look about me. 

Sound familiar to any of you? Well, it's a natural body reaction. Whenever your subconscience senses danger, it pumps a massive amount of adrenalin and other chemicals through your body and sets your heart on full speed ahead. This blood readies the muscles and the chemicals help this reaction and set your brain into an emergency situation. You will know this by the more common phrase: "Fight or Flight".

This reaction is normal, and perfect when there's immediate danger that would harm you, and that's why the human race has survived for so long. Unfortunately, sometimes the body goes into "Flight or Flight" mode because of a miscommunication from another part of the brain. This is what happened in this situation.

I won't go into detail, but when I was younger, I developed a social disorder in that I found it very difficult to interact with people. This got worse and worse - like, I couldn't go into a shop without feeling uncomfortable - until, one day, I went to a hypnotherapist who saved my life. A bit of a dramatic phrase, perhaps, but he certainly "saved" it in that I'm now just a regular guy that gets shy like normal people would, but can still talk to people, be in social situations and get on with my life.

One of the previous problems was that I had a major problem with "being made a fool in public". It happens to us all sometimes, but I had a particular hang-up about it. That's what happened in this situation: all of a sudden, my body didn't think it could swallow food without me choking, spluttering, or just coughing the food out. That would draw attention to myself and what an idiot I am not being able to eat properly, and it just froze the "swallowing muscles"; instead, it sent the Fight or Flight message. 

I managed to get back to the office - spitting my saliva out along the way instead of swallowing it, because I couldn't even do that without a reaction - and just sat in silence, trying to calm myself down but not having very much luck.

I am, however, lucky in that my wife also happens to be a counsellor; I had tried to phone her with no reply, but she phoned back ten minutes later. She could hear in my voice that something was very wrong. After an hour's length of talking she managed to bring me down a bit and work out that it wasn't the food and the threat of choking that was the problem, it was a distant memory of the social phobia that triggered it.

But she went futher than that: after work, she met me in town and - gently - got me to "confront my demon". We went to Jensen's together, just for some coffee and ice-cream ("smooth" foods that would go down my throat easier). I looked a bit like a crane while eating and drinking, but I managed to eat and drink most of my order, along with some of Linda's. We came back home and I also ate a ham sandwich too (albeit without some of the crust).

So here we are: Linda is playing a card game while I write this blog entry. We both tidied the house up (as I have my mother visiting this weekend - that's another story!) which also took my mind off things, and now we're treating ourselves with a glass of chardonnay.

It was "a learning experience," which is a more polite way of saying "a shitty day", but confronting the problem while it was still a fresh experience and battling through it certainly helped. Sure, it was uncomfortable but one just has to remind oneself, "These are just feelings. There's no real danger. These feelings will pass, so ride through them."

After a night's sleep, I think tomorrow will look a bit better. Can't look much worse!